Time Flies-----------------------

Where has the time gone? In February we moved out of the apartment in ghetto-ville and back to my "home". Or at least, the only place I truly ever felt at home. I love our new place. Its huge, cathedral ceilings, lots of rooms, and my desk area is in a nice nook in front of a window that faces the University where I spent the "growing up" years of my life. I like to look out the window at night and see the lights on campus. It reminds me of my time there. Not that I'm living in the past. God knows I hated living on campus and I especially hated classes. I'm so grateful to have made it through all the courses and be done with it. But I got closer to my baby brothers than I ever was before I left for college. And without these two wonderful boys in my life I dont know what I would do sometimes.

The older one is having a rough time right now. He just broke up with his gf of just over a year. She's going to go to college this fall and I think he is feeling what life will be like without her when he still has a senior year to take care of. I completely understand. Don and I did the long distance thing for sooo long. I dont know how it is we found each other and were able to make it through all the trials that a long distance relationship can have to endure. I'm so glad we did though. We are so great for each other. And he's so great to the boys. I really love how much he loves them. We've almost been together a decade now.

So, my brother is dating another girl already and he just broke up with his first gf not even two weeks ago. I dont know the new girl. I hope she's nice. Respectable. Honest. Caring. Modest. Intelligent. I hope she's strong and confident and doesnt jump into bed with every guy who talks to her. I'm afraid of Doug's hormones.... I dont want any mini-Doug running around. I'd be so disappointed. I cant think about it.

And Al.... well, he's doing ok. As good as can be expected living with our mother. I cannot wait until he is of age where he can leave that house. I know that it has to be hard for him, everyday dealing with her moods, her emotions, her tantrums, the drama. He is so strong. So young, and has had to deal with so much. Most adults have not had the mental anguish he has had to put up with in the "care" of my Mom. Don is ready to write her off. He expresses his anticipation of the day when Al is able to move away and we can change our numbers and never speak to her again. She doesnt know where I live. She wont know where I live ever again.

Work has been going well. Its hard. I wont lie. Its a lot of...work. The teams jobs were outsourced to India and we were given new duties within the company. I love the new jobs I've been given. But I've been given a lot of responsibility. A lot of upper management see what I do and it makes me nervous. I want to do really well at my job. I want to impress everyone and myself. I want to show my brothers there is a life outside of the drugs, abuse and sadness that our parents have shown the four of us in our childhoods. I love my life. But in all honesty, it is really hard for me not to be skeptical. I would not admit this to the boys. I would not want them to know that I am anything but confident that with a college degree you can succeed and create a happy, peaceful existence for yourself. But there are so many outside factors that can cause heartache. I just want to be happy. I want them to be happy. Life is what you make of it I guess. I am trying to make it the best that I can.

In all this working, I have not been getting out much. I have been bringing work home with me several nights a week. I am working more hours at this company than the CPA firm I worked for last year. It is better work though. I'm not complaining. However, I am heavier than I have ever been. Hopefully this summer will do me some good. I guess that's another story for another day. This blog is long enough. Later.