Heavy Hearted Holiday

Feeling sick today... Holidays are always so crazy. I honestly dont understand why it has to be like this. I have suggested the families try to pick a day and stick with that day each year. I guess the fact that Christmas doesnt always land on the same day each year kinda makes that difficult. But seriously, when you have some family members who sware for the past couple months that the family is pissed off at eachother and there will be no gathering, do they REALLY expect you to drop all your previous plans when FOUR DAYS before Christmas someone finally peps up and says "oh year, the family Christmas dinner will be at this place at this time this year" ? GIVE ME A BREAK people!

And as Don says "dont worry about it, we dont have to bend backwards for everyone every year" I am therefore trying not to worry about it. It is obvious from my upset stomach and repeated trips to the unmentioned room that I am not doing too good of a job.

I cant blame it completely on the holidays and such though. I found out 3 months ago that my 18 year old brother and his girlfriend of 3 months at that time are going to have a baby. So needless to say this isnt the best news in the world. Dont get me wrong, I'll love my little niece or nephew VERY much, but I'd love them just the same if they were born 5 years or more later too! On a HAPPIER note, my 29 year old Sister is also pregnant with her first child. She and her husband have been together for a long time, and I know she's wanted to conceive for quite some time. Ironically, she and my brother's baby are both due July 2nd, 2008! Crazy, I know. Not that due dates mean much at all. Honestly, I think the Doctors think they are trying to remind you to expect the baby at that time, as if your big gut wasnt enough of a reminder... Geesh.

And along with my brother and his gf being pregnant they are also very immature (legitamately at that age) but they fight A LOT and worse than Don and I have ever fought. GRANTED they are having a baby and I cant imagine the stress that is putting on each of them, but they get physical and she is constantly telling him she doesnt want to be with him. He is crushed of course b/c he says he loves her and I know he wants to make it work for the baby. He doesnt want to be like our deadbeat father. Not that he ever could be. The fact that he knows our Dad was crap, shows how much better he'll be. I'm just scared for him.

Then my baby brother... this is the first Christmas I wont be seeing him. I dont know how he'll take that. He's getting older now and the road to his place is soooo long and scary in the winter. I spent extra time with him around Thanksgiving and gave him a really nice Bike for Christmas early. I'll call him. Our Mom hasnt been doing too well, but I'm hoping she isnt giving him too much grief.

My life is going pretty good though. Don and I are doing really well - we'll be celebrating our 10 year anniversary this year. We are still not married. I dont think we're going to have Children. I mean, we've talked about it a lot and I just dont think it is a high priority for either of us. We both want to do so many things and not that we couldnt do them with Children, its just not something we see ourselves needing. Not right now anyhow. I'm so young and I have JUST become financially secure. Its been a LONG hard road. Growing up as poor as my family was I knew what I wanted to change when I was able to sculpt my own future and I did. I have debt from college but its going to be gone soon. Then we'll probably get married. Neither of us are in a hurry since we've been dating so long and living together for 5 years we feel like we're married already. And the kid thing. And then there is always the financial aspect of the wedding... you cant imagine how much money these things are. Well, the one I want anyhow. :P

Well, I was just thinking I havent posted in a while... wanted to make sure the account was still active. Not that I suspect anyone who knows me reads this, but if you do, Have a Very Merry Christmas and a safe and Happy New Year!