I think about this thing every once in while. Its been so long....where to start? Doug had his baby boy in June 2008. SO CUTE! James. He's precious. Deanna had her Daughter Edwina 2 weeks later. I was there for the whole thing - video taped it. Crazy.
Doug graduated highschool and went to Lincoln Tech in Indianapolis in fall 2008. Too far away. :( He did really well. I helped him find an apartment. His girlfriend and the baby moved down there too. They had their ups and downs while he was in school. He finished in Dec 2009. Graduated January 2010. THey are now renting a house
Alex moved in with me and Don in January 2009. Mom had a breakdown....again....and that was just the last straw. He needed some consistency in his life. She also had moved him all over the state and his grades were dropping. He was gaining wait and was unhappy. Couldnt keep friends. Was getting picked on so bad at the most recent school that he was going to that a boy there broke his arm! Ugh. So the middle school in our town was tough for him. Mainly b/c he hadnt established any study habits or organizational skills. He's in highschool now and doing a lot better. Made friends and grades are up. He turns 16 this month. Oey oey oey. Time flies.
I'm getting a motorcycle this month. I take the certification course next weekend so i can drive one. Very exciting. Cannot wait to get on the road!
I've lost a lot of weight since the last post. I was up to 220 almost. Im down to the 180s. I think 150 something will be the lowest I can get with my frame/structure. I dont really care about the number I guess, but its a good measurement tool. I started taking better interest in my hair and the way I dress. Stopped biting my nails for the most part. Eat waaaaaaay healthier. Been tanning laetly - love it! Had braces from January 2008- Aug 2009. And just last week I got contacts and new glasses. :) By the end of the year I'll have dropped that last 25-35 lbs and I'll be the epitamy of what I want my outside to be. Still working on this inside - always will be. :)
Job is going well. Just super busy. Working for HP doing buying on the procurement team. Learn a lot. And always feel productive. Wish the hours werent so crazy. I get I'm a salaried employee and the job is done when its done, but 11-12 hour days 4 times a week is burning me out big time. Its April and I've taken ONE half day off work. Because we're so busy. And that half day was last Friday to go out of town. And then I was too tired to actually go anywhere!
Speaking of tired... I think I'm going to take a nap. I'm literally falling asleep holding my laptop. Happy Easter. Later.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Friday, December 21, 2007
Heavy Hearted Holiday
Feeling sick today... Holidays are always so crazy. I honestly dont understand why it has to be like this. I have suggested the families try to pick a day and stick with that day each year. I guess the fact that Christmas doesnt always land on the same day each year kinda makes that difficult. But seriously, when you have some family members who sware for the past couple months that the family is pissed off at eachother and there will be no gathering, do they REALLY expect you to drop all your previous plans when FOUR DAYS before Christmas someone finally peps up and says "oh year, the family Christmas dinner will be at this place at this time this year" ? GIVE ME A BREAK people!
And as Don says "dont worry about it, we dont have to bend backwards for everyone every year" I am therefore trying not to worry about it. It is obvious from my upset stomach and repeated trips to the unmentioned room that I am not doing too good of a job.
I cant blame it completely on the holidays and such though. I found out 3 months ago that my 18 year old brother and his girlfriend of 3 months at that time are going to have a baby. So needless to say this isnt the best news in the world. Dont get me wrong, I'll love my little niece or nephew VERY much, but I'd love them just the same if they were born 5 years or more later too! On a HAPPIER note, my 29 year old Sister is also pregnant with her first child. She and her husband have been together for a long time, and I know she's wanted to conceive for quite some time. Ironically, she and my brother's baby are both due July 2nd, 2008! Crazy, I know. Not that due dates mean much at all. Honestly, I think the Doctors think they are trying to remind you to expect the baby at that time, as if your big gut wasnt enough of a reminder... Geesh.
And along with my brother and his gf being pregnant they are also very immature (legitamately at that age) but they fight A LOT and worse than Don and I have ever fought. GRANTED they are having a baby and I cant imagine the stress that is putting on each of them, but they get physical and she is constantly telling him she doesnt want to be with him. He is crushed of course b/c he says he loves her and I know he wants to make it work for the baby. He doesnt want to be like our deadbeat father. Not that he ever could be. The fact that he knows our Dad was crap, shows how much better he'll be. I'm just scared for him.
Then my baby brother... this is the first Christmas I wont be seeing him. I dont know how he'll take that. He's getting older now and the road to his place is soooo long and scary in the winter. I spent extra time with him around Thanksgiving and gave him a really nice Bike for Christmas early. I'll call him. Our Mom hasnt been doing too well, but I'm hoping she isnt giving him too much grief.
My life is going pretty good though. Don and I are doing really well - we'll be celebrating our 10 year anniversary this year. We are still not married. I dont think we're going to have Children. I mean, we've talked about it a lot and I just dont think it is a high priority for either of us. We both want to do so many things and not that we couldnt do them with Children, its just not something we see ourselves needing. Not right now anyhow. I'm so young and I have JUST become financially secure. Its been a LONG hard road. Growing up as poor as my family was I knew what I wanted to change when I was able to sculpt my own future and I did. I have debt from college but its going to be gone soon. Then we'll probably get married. Neither of us are in a hurry since we've been dating so long and living together for 5 years we feel like we're married already. And the kid thing. And then there is always the financial aspect of the wedding... you cant imagine how much money these things are. Well, the one I want anyhow. :P
Well, I was just thinking I havent posted in a while... wanted to make sure the account was still active. Not that I suspect anyone who knows me reads this, but if you do, Have a Very Merry Christmas and a safe and Happy New Year!
And as Don says "dont worry about it, we dont have to bend backwards for everyone every year" I am therefore trying not to worry about it. It is obvious from my upset stomach and repeated trips to the unmentioned room that I am not doing too good of a job.
I cant blame it completely on the holidays and such though. I found out 3 months ago that my 18 year old brother and his girlfriend of 3 months at that time are going to have a baby. So needless to say this isnt the best news in the world. Dont get me wrong, I'll love my little niece or nephew VERY much, but I'd love them just the same if they were born 5 years or more later too! On a HAPPIER note, my 29 year old Sister is also pregnant with her first child. She and her husband have been together for a long time, and I know she's wanted to conceive for quite some time. Ironically, she and my brother's baby are both due July 2nd, 2008! Crazy, I know. Not that due dates mean much at all. Honestly, I think the Doctors think they are trying to remind you to expect the baby at that time, as if your big gut wasnt enough of a reminder... Geesh.
And along with my brother and his gf being pregnant they are also very immature (legitamately at that age) but they fight A LOT and worse than Don and I have ever fought. GRANTED they are having a baby and I cant imagine the stress that is putting on each of them, but they get physical and she is constantly telling him she doesnt want to be with him. He is crushed of course b/c he says he loves her and I know he wants to make it work for the baby. He doesnt want to be like our deadbeat father. Not that he ever could be. The fact that he knows our Dad was crap, shows how much better he'll be. I'm just scared for him.
Then my baby brother... this is the first Christmas I wont be seeing him. I dont know how he'll take that. He's getting older now and the road to his place is soooo long and scary in the winter. I spent extra time with him around Thanksgiving and gave him a really nice Bike for Christmas early. I'll call him. Our Mom hasnt been doing too well, but I'm hoping she isnt giving him too much grief.
My life is going pretty good though. Don and I are doing really well - we'll be celebrating our 10 year anniversary this year. We are still not married. I dont think we're going to have Children. I mean, we've talked about it a lot and I just dont think it is a high priority for either of us. We both want to do so many things and not that we couldnt do them with Children, its just not something we see ourselves needing. Not right now anyhow. I'm so young and I have JUST become financially secure. Its been a LONG hard road. Growing up as poor as my family was I knew what I wanted to change when I was able to sculpt my own future and I did. I have debt from college but its going to be gone soon. Then we'll probably get married. Neither of us are in a hurry since we've been dating so long and living together for 5 years we feel like we're married already. And the kid thing. And then there is always the financial aspect of the wedding... you cant imagine how much money these things are. Well, the one I want anyhow. :P
Well, I was just thinking I havent posted in a while... wanted to make sure the account was still active. Not that I suspect anyone who knows me reads this, but if you do, Have a Very Merry Christmas and a safe and Happy New Year!
Saturday, June 9, 2007
Time Flies-----------------------
Where has the time gone? In February we moved out of the apartment in ghetto-ville and back to my "home". Or at least, the only place I truly ever felt at home. I love our new place. Its huge, cathedral ceilings, lots of rooms, and my desk area is in a nice nook in front of a window that faces the University where I spent the "growing up" years of my life. I like to look out the window at night and see the lights on campus. It reminds me of my time there. Not that I'm living in the past. God knows I hated living on campus and I especially hated classes. I'm so grateful to have made it through all the courses and be done with it. But I got closer to my baby brothers than I ever was before I left for college. And without these two wonderful boys in my life I dont know what I would do sometimes.
The older one is having a rough time right now. He just broke up with his gf of just over a year. She's going to go to college this fall and I think he is feeling what life will be like without her when he still has a senior year to take care of. I completely understand. Don and I did the long distance thing for sooo long. I dont know how it is we found each other and were able to make it through all the trials that a long distance relationship can have to endure. I'm so glad we did though. We are so great for each other. And he's so great to the boys. I really love how much he loves them. We've almost been together a decade now.
So, my brother is dating another girl already and he just broke up with his first gf not even two weeks ago. I dont know the new girl. I hope she's nice. Respectable. Honest. Caring. Modest. Intelligent. I hope she's strong and confident and doesnt jump into bed with every guy who talks to her. I'm afraid of Doug's hormones.... I dont want any mini-Doug running around. I'd be so disappointed. I cant think about it.
And Al.... well, he's doing ok. As good as can be expected living with our mother. I cannot wait until he is of age where he can leave that house. I know that it has to be hard for him, everyday dealing with her moods, her emotions, her tantrums, the drama. He is so strong. So young, and has had to deal with so much. Most adults have not had the mental anguish he has had to put up with in the "care" of my Mom. Don is ready to write her off. He expresses his anticipation of the day when Al is able to move away and we can change our numbers and never speak to her again. She doesnt know where I live. She wont know where I live ever again.
Work has been going well. Its hard. I wont lie. Its a lot of...work. The teams jobs were outsourced to India and we were given new duties within the company. I love the new jobs I've been given. But I've been given a lot of responsibility. A lot of upper management see what I do and it makes me nervous. I want to do really well at my job. I want to impress everyone and myself. I want to show my brothers there is a life outside of the drugs, abuse and sadness that our parents have shown the four of us in our childhoods. I love my life. But in all honesty, it is really hard for me not to be skeptical. I would not admit this to the boys. I would not want them to know that I am anything but confident that with a college degree you can succeed and create a happy, peaceful existence for yourself. But there are so many outside factors that can cause heartache. I just want to be happy. I want them to be happy. Life is what you make of it I guess. I am trying to make it the best that I can.
In all this working, I have not been getting out much. I have been bringing work home with me several nights a week. I am working more hours at this company than the CPA firm I worked for last year. It is better work though. I'm not complaining. However, I am heavier than I have ever been. Hopefully this summer will do me some good. I guess that's another story for another day. This blog is long enough. Later.
The older one is having a rough time right now. He just broke up with his gf of just over a year. She's going to go to college this fall and I think he is feeling what life will be like without her when he still has a senior year to take care of. I completely understand. Don and I did the long distance thing for sooo long. I dont know how it is we found each other and were able to make it through all the trials that a long distance relationship can have to endure. I'm so glad we did though. We are so great for each other. And he's so great to the boys. I really love how much he loves them. We've almost been together a decade now.
So, my brother is dating another girl already and he just broke up with his first gf not even two weeks ago. I dont know the new girl. I hope she's nice. Respectable. Honest. Caring. Modest. Intelligent. I hope she's strong and confident and doesnt jump into bed with every guy who talks to her. I'm afraid of Doug's hormones.... I dont want any mini-Doug running around. I'd be so disappointed. I cant think about it.
And Al.... well, he's doing ok. As good as can be expected living with our mother. I cannot wait until he is of age where he can leave that house. I know that it has to be hard for him, everyday dealing with her moods, her emotions, her tantrums, the drama. He is so strong. So young, and has had to deal with so much. Most adults have not had the mental anguish he has had to put up with in the "care" of my Mom. Don is ready to write her off. He expresses his anticipation of the day when Al is able to move away and we can change our numbers and never speak to her again. She doesnt know where I live. She wont know where I live ever again.
Work has been going well. Its hard. I wont lie. Its a lot of...work. The teams jobs were outsourced to India and we were given new duties within the company. I love the new jobs I've been given. But I've been given a lot of responsibility. A lot of upper management see what I do and it makes me nervous. I want to do really well at my job. I want to impress everyone and myself. I want to show my brothers there is a life outside of the drugs, abuse and sadness that our parents have shown the four of us in our childhoods. I love my life. But in all honesty, it is really hard for me not to be skeptical. I would not admit this to the boys. I would not want them to know that I am anything but confident that with a college degree you can succeed and create a happy, peaceful existence for yourself. But there are so many outside factors that can cause heartache. I just want to be happy. I want them to be happy. Life is what you make of it I guess. I am trying to make it the best that I can.
In all this working, I have not been getting out much. I have been bringing work home with me several nights a week. I am working more hours at this company than the CPA firm I worked for last year. It is better work though. I'm not complaining. However, I am heavier than I have ever been. Hopefully this summer will do me some good. I guess that's another story for another day. This blog is long enough. Later.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
ExHaUsTiOn....
Today has been hectic. I'm back-up for our team leader at work while she's on maternity leave and I had to facilitate a regional meeting this afternoon. I am excited to do these duties but I get sooo nervous when it comes to voicing my opinions and ideas that its stressful. I hope that one day soon I can get over my fear of public speaking. Everyone keeps telling me it comes with age and experience; but the thing is, at my old job I was collections and made phone calls all the time. And I'm 24 and have had so much schooling and practice with speaking up you'd think I'd have it down by now. I wish I did.
Home life is kinda crazy lately. My Mom is just unbearable, everytime I have to talk to her she goes on and on about EVERY negative thing in her life she can possibly think of to rant and rave about. I'm so tired of her complaining about things that are absolutely in her control to change yet she does nothing to better her situation; i.e.: "I have no money.... I just bought a bunch of shelves that i dont need..."
Don and I are moving on Feb 4th and I just cant wait to get out of the shit town we live in now and back to the city I love. I have soo much packing to do still. Oey.
Don's step-mom turns 60 on superbowl Sunday. She's so pretty and active, she seems more like she's in her mid 40s than 60. 60 is the new 40, or at least it is for her. Her parents have/had alzheimers and I worry about her developing it someday. She keeps herself very busy and they say this helps reduce the risk of alzheimers so thats good.
Tonight I'm subbing on bowling league for a friend at work. I've been working on my "skill" and slowly getting better I think. The last few game scores I've bowled were: 79, 52, 92, 87, 93, 87, 162, 81, 103 .... the 162 was bowled during cosmic bowling so I think I was more comfortable with the lights off thinking no one could see me! I was with my brother too and he makes me calmer.... I hope to do well tonight.
Well, I'm at work and just wanted to take a "cigarette" break, so I'm gonna get back to the grindstone. C-ya!
Home life is kinda crazy lately. My Mom is just unbearable, everytime I have to talk to her she goes on and on about EVERY negative thing in her life she can possibly think of to rant and rave about. I'm so tired of her complaining about things that are absolutely in her control to change yet she does nothing to better her situation; i.e.: "I have no money.... I just bought a bunch of shelves that i dont need..."
Don and I are moving on Feb 4th and I just cant wait to get out of the shit town we live in now and back to the city I love. I have soo much packing to do still. Oey.
Don's step-mom turns 60 on superbowl Sunday. She's so pretty and active, she seems more like she's in her mid 40s than 60. 60 is the new 40, or at least it is for her. Her parents have/had alzheimers and I worry about her developing it someday. She keeps herself very busy and they say this helps reduce the risk of alzheimers so thats good.
Tonight I'm subbing on bowling league for a friend at work. I've been working on my "skill" and slowly getting better I think. The last few game scores I've bowled were: 79, 52, 92, 87, 93, 87, 162, 81, 103 .... the 162 was bowled during cosmic bowling so I think I was more comfortable with the lights off thinking no one could see me! I was with my brother too and he makes me calmer.... I hope to do well tonight.
Well, I'm at work and just wanted to take a "cigarette" break, so I'm gonna get back to the grindstone. C-ya!
Friday, January 26, 2007
The Beginning
Its close to the beginning of the New Year so I guess I'll start off with those pesky new years resolutions....
1) get a healthier lifestyle - be more active on a daily basis and eat better
2) save money and plan the wedding - Don and I are getting married in 15 months and have done so very little
3) stop biting my finger nails (this has been a new years resolution since I was 14!)
4) how many of these do I have to have?
As far as this blog page goes....I was "bored" at work b/c our team has been having a lot of "down time" lately, and I was browsing pictures of Samoyeds online b/c I ABSOLUTELY love those dogs, and I came across someones blog page and started reading her blogs. It was so interesting to learn about this other person and the randomness of her every day life. She was from the UK and was talking about her politics and her husband and child and I loved reading it and thinking about my life 5 years from now. Thinking about how nice it would be to have creating a memoir of my life with Don and starting a family together. Getting our first home. Talking about our jobs. Everything. And to have a place for my friends to stop by and see me and see how I'm doing if they are missing me and its too late to call. =P
So hello everyone. I'm sure I'll bore you to death most days. But I would love for you to post comments and keep in touch this way.
1) get a healthier lifestyle - be more active on a daily basis and eat better
2) save money and plan the wedding - Don and I are getting married in 15 months and have done so very little
3) stop biting my finger nails (this has been a new years resolution since I was 14!)
4) how many of these do I have to have?
As far as this blog page goes....I was "bored" at work b/c our team has been having a lot of "down time" lately, and I was browsing pictures of Samoyeds online b/c I ABSOLUTELY love those dogs, and I came across someones blog page and started reading her blogs. It was so interesting to learn about this other person and the randomness of her every day life. She was from the UK and was talking about her politics and her husband and child and I loved reading it and thinking about my life 5 years from now. Thinking about how nice it would be to have creating a memoir of my life with Don and starting a family together. Getting our first home. Talking about our jobs. Everything. And to have a place for my friends to stop by and see me and see how I'm doing if they are missing me and its too late to call. =P
So hello everyone. I'm sure I'll bore you to death most days. But I would love for you to post comments and keep in touch this way.
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